Are you aware I spent my early teens playing flash games? I’d frequent Newgrounds, spam the forums with worthless opinions (racking up a post count north of 20k), after which utilize the flash films/games since the icing in the teenage-annoyance cake. When the editor pushed #1 Diep.io – #1 Play Diep.io Game Online to me, I found myself suspicious.
Initially, I assumed to question: “How are you aware I used to play flash games on Newgrounds?”, but thought he’d suspect something. Not only, basically if i was wrong, would he start carefully and systematically comparing Newgrounds general posts with my general awkward demeanor to follow down younger me but, basically if i was right, he will know I was into the bastard. Then a editor would foil living plans by occasionally whispering during my ear: “hey, remember this gem of your Newgrounds general post…”, thus bit-by-bit destroying what little confidence I have left.
Like other narratives, I was asked who’s tale it was actually. So, one splash of water in the face later, I realized it wasn’t a philosophical question of free-will but alternatively just asking me my name. Although, noticing this is an online multiplayer title, I was thinking I’d hide how I’d be examining this game having a critical eye as part of my job. So off I went. The tale of “NotAJournalist” had begun.
Naturally, like most free-to-play PvP titles, Diep.io starts with a whisper. You happen to be runt, the base of a pile, inside a bad world looking to shoot you in the back of the head. Or even a small, circular tank floating amongst other shapes and other tanks. So I did the obvious thing: I blew throughout the squares, triangles and pentagons that hung out passively while dodging all the circle with names to them. Yes, the aesthetic could be recreated with MS Paint and the only thing that is missing is Comic Sans.
Each level offered me the choice of upgrade: Regen, health, bullet damage, bullet speed, rate of fire, bullet penetration, body damage (collision damage), and movement speed. An issue that became immediately obvious was that if I planned to have longer than a kid within a paddling pool of concentrated hydrochloric acid, i would be required to pick regen eventually. Without it, I would be worn down over time like said child from before.
Eventually, I leveled past the “spitball-n-straw” stage and was asked should i wanted a device-gun, a sniper rifle, a dual-barrel assault rifle, or so as to shoot forwards and backwards while spinning madly similar to a ballistic hedgehog. Since I’m the particular simpleton to perform as Soldier 57 on Overwatch, out of anxiety about confusion otherwise, I went together with the assault rifle option on my own tank.
Eventually, like other things, my time with Diep.io arrived at an end as i began picking fights with some other players. Despite having the highest damage output I was able to muster, by far the most speed, a large regen pool, and a lot more health than I knew what to do with, other players were quickly capable of put me inside my place. I’d be chipping away at their cathedral of health with my toothbrush shiv and they’d just sweep me aside with an almighty paw without noticing I ever existed.